


Pigtails

by Dee_Laundry



Series: My Fathers' Son [16]
Category: House M.D.
Genre: Dialogue-Only, Halloween, Kid Fic, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-01
Updated: 2012-11-01
Packaged: 2017-11-17 16:33:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 727
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/553621
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dee_Laundry/pseuds/Dee_Laundry
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>PPTH Oncology Halloween Party, October 31, 2012</p>
            </blockquote>





	Pigtails

**Author's Note:**

> For some reason, this 'verse has compelled me each of the past three years to have fun discussing a little kid's Halloween costume. The world is an interesting place.

Wilson! 'Sup?

House.

You're into CBT? Why didn't you ever tell me? The things we could've been doing...

What?

C. B. T. It stands for --

I've read enough German porn; I know what it stands for.

You _read_ porn? You are such a girl.

 _Any_ way, what I don't know is why you're talking about it.

With how tight of a twist your panties are in, there has to be some squishing going on in your groinal area. Figured you must be enjoying it, hence why you called me.

Wait... you got that I was tense just from how I said your name?

I got that you were stupidly tense about some inane thing just from how you breathed into the phone. Can we talk about porn instead?

I'm sending you a picture.

Are you naked in it? Ooh, two o'clock in the afternoon, at work naked, sending snapshots across the country: Doctor Wilson's gettin' freaky. Me like.

I'm not naked, and it's not a picture of me. Marjorie just sent it. Remember the surprise Halloween costume Jack talked Marjorie into putting together? The one I'm not allowed to see until Jack shows up today for the oncology's Halloween party, which you were _supposed_ to _be here_ for?

Hey, you've told me enough times I'm a force of nature, but I still can't cause a hurricane. It's not my fault all the flights back from New Orleans got cancelled.

Because you so desperately needed to attend a plastic surgery conference. You don't even like Jewel!

I don't give a shit about Jewel, although it was fun watching Matalin and Carville whale on each other opening night. But CME deadlines are CME deadlines, and I gave up Kidney Week 2012 because it fell over Halloween, so you can cut me some slack about something I can't control.

You're right; sorry. It's just... This picture. Did you get it yet?

Let me -- oh.

Yeah, oh.

Wilson, your three-year old decided to be Elton John for Halloween.

I _know_. What do I do? I don't want to discourage him; he deserves to be who he wants; but it's just, just... I don't know. Marjorie said Jack is beside himself with excitement over this, and they've made some kind of matching costume for me --

Who are you going to be, Lady Gaga?

No, Marjorie said I'll be fine in my regular work clothes; they're just going to add a bowtie, some glasses, and a gray wig. Maybe I'm supposed to be that guy, what's his name, Freddie? Elton John's husband.

You're thinking of Freddie Mercury, who's been dead for twenty years; the guy's actual name is David; and Jack isn't dressing as Elton John.

He isn't? You thought he was, too!

He's dressing as Patty.

As in LuPone? Her voice is certainly that dramatic and flamboyant, but her attire is --

Wow, you're gay. Not Patti LuPone; Patty with undetermined last name who's friends with Penny in Pigtails.

That kids' series Jack likes? I don't remember a Patty.

She's in book 27, _Penny in Pigtails Likes to Sing_.

I still can't believe you bought him all 40 of those books.

It got him out of diapers, didn't it? One book for every clean underwear day, and less than six weeks later you got to throw out the Diaper Genie.

You are a genius.

What's that? I'm not sure I heard you.

You, Greg House, are an undeniable genius. Now tell me why our son wants to cross-dress.

It's not about Patty being a girl.

I noticed the mike in his hand; is it because he wants to sing? He's got a sweet little voice. Maybe I should get him lessons.

If you want, although I'm pretty sure his musical ability is more toward your end of the scale than mine.

Hey!

It's about Patty's family.

What do you mean?

"'Nope,' she said, smiling, 'no Mom for me. My Pop is my whole family.'"

Oh. Oh, Jack.

Yep.

And I suppose Pop wears a bowtie and glasses.

That he does. And he claps so loud that the room is filled with sound, and he always throws flowers around Patty's feet. So you'd better get your ass down to the gift shop before Jack gets there.

Guess I'd better. Your flight gets into Newark tomorrow at two?

Two-fifteen.

We'll be there waiting for you.


End file.
